Sunday, 18 December 2011

Sick of being sick

Sketch research 
'I'm not doing this shit anymore' was the dominant train of thoughts for me in November 2011. My passive aggressive state of mind came to a halt and was instantly replaced by a furious rage of anger. It hardly mattered where I was or what I was doing. I reached a place where something inside of me screamed ENOUGH! And when you feel you've had enough of something and you badly need a change of scenery; when you know you've reached the bottom of the pit and all that has been experienced has been building up inside of you, THAT is when the adrenaline kicks in! Right there, when you are launched like a rocket, roaring through the sky, accepting nothing around you that reminds you of the previous bullshit you drank like a milkshake. 'Shut up and get the hell out of my way' and oh dear how delicious the sensation of release is! Every cell is activated, every nerve receptive. And creativity flows through my veins; wild like a mountain river in spring when the sun transforms the snowy tops into vast amounts of water. While riding the waves I envisioned the location of the anger and I saw laboratory animals, sacrificed ritual animals and myself as part of nature (a part of all the animals) on mother earth. The boar, ram and bull but also rabbits, monkeys, cats and dogs. Kept in cages. Undergoing trials, tests; being measured and observed.  

Plaster experiment

But not the jackrabbit; not the hare, they are part of the family of Leporids (thesis material) and are the only ones who are adapted to the lack of physical protection. They have not been domesticated and simply die in captivity. They remain untamed...

Clay experiment
Fascination started, research on its way. First in sketching and understanding the form in 2d, later (up to this moment) to understand its physical presence. To make suffering visible. To give the viewer a sense of uneasiness. To get underneath the human flesh with the aching visual language of the wild gone tame, the sophisticated ruling out unwanted behaviour. Causing a mental poverty that results in death.

This landscape will undergo further exploration for it has rich resources.

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