The Place To Be

Bison sculpture at Cartesius lyceum Amsterdam was one of the Graduation works
for my BFA at Gerrit Rietveld 2012

I Can't Stand The Rain

This fourth day was a tricky one for me. It's edges were marked with thoughtless acts and impatient behavior. I guess the amount of work caught me off guard. All of a sudden my motivation dropped. I perceived advise and help from teachers as an attack, an intrusion. I was aware that a lot of things needed my attention. But that doesn't give people the right to point them out all the time. Give me a brake and have some faith will ya! But this is not the private domain of a studio, this is common Rietveld territory and all hands on board are determined to make it a success. My guiding system told me I was in troubled water. So I sighed, rolled my eyes made a few bitch comments and was left alone. Alone, except for Maartje. She proved to be a breath of fresh air that I was longing for. She took a bucket, started mixing the mortar and sat by my side. We nailed the column right there on the spot! I will not show you pictures of the result, for I don't like spoilers. You must come see it for yourself....in  4 days...

I Salute You For Your Courage

Working on the column for the Bison 

None of this would have happened if you didn't make me aware of my abilities and your keen ways to address my creative obstacles. Even in these moments of your absence, I feel you're presence like you are my blood. I'm grateful for all that you bring to my world. All these little bumps in the road, how they make way for the new canopy to grow. Everything continues, expands and adds up to this particular time and space. I'm working with the elements of a tiler, a sculptor, a photographer and through it all I sing, burn incense and dance as a performer. I hope my graduation delivers a visual language where the common ground for my projects is tangible. An invisible web that needs to be further explored! My graduation is in no way an end, it's a new beginning! 

Were You Hare When I Was Fox?

Bison frame complete with head and legs.
For a sense of scale you see that he stands on two tables, with a pen
and a piece of paper to his right.   

I alter my attention to the Bison who arises out of wire and wood. He appears with his own personality. I put my hands at work while my mind is reduced to a minimal. An overall intuitive feeling takes over. One that is not afraid to reconsider posture or proportion. One that alters the frame for a better distribution of weight, to make way for a new tension. Working on this scale demands a flexible approach on all fronts. Maybe that explains why working on this Bison feels so refreshing. Even this project has a fundamental reflective connection like all other work. It seems inevitable. So I might as well use it full force! Placing him on a table added another layer, in some sense even a more Biblical approach, like the Golden Calf. With three more weeks to go I know I'll be spending lots of time with him...

To Roam With The Buffalo

Strength.    Courage.     Prosperity.     Challenge.     Survival.      Gratitude.

Me working on the frame
at KB FABRIEK

These, and many more, are words that the American Bison has come to symbolize. For hundreds of years the Native Americans of the Great Plains relied on the bison for food, clothing and to get them through the harsh winters. The bison became a symbol of many things for the people who depended upon them. The large head symbolizes an intelligence of a higher order and their strong bodies ground them, connecting them to the earth. I'm very interested in the White American Bison, or also called The White Buffalo. When the White Buffalo comes into our awareness (dreams, vision or even while hiking) it is a huge sign of promise, and great prosperity is soon to come after sighting this regal creature.

"With the return of the White Buffalo it is a sign that prayers are being heard, that the sacred pipe is being honored, and that the promises of prophecy are being fulfilled. White Buffalo signals a time of abundance and plenty"

Sams & Carson, Medicine cards.

Preparing the wire mesh to be attached to the frame

Since my Hare research last november there was a similar interest in herds of cattle. My first preliminary design was based on a real cow giving birth to her calf, while she fell through her hoofs on the ground. With the calf being dragged behind her this image is very unsettling and disturbing and NOT AT ALL in line with my current state of mind. I do not know why, where and how but all of a sudden  I was fascinated with the American Bison. Maybe it is connected with the reason why my head was in doubt a lot for the last couple of weeks. I wasn't grateful for my talent, I did not respect my work as a artist and most of all I ignored all needs for expression. This  passive state vanished as soon as my mind got hold of the Bison idea. My research really began with the dolphin realization. And it spread through my cells contaminating all further research. Now I find myself listening to sound tapes, video reports dozens of pictures of Bisons and have requested Royal Amsterdam Zoo Artist for a day with the Bison keepers! I simply must know, feel and honor the animal during the exam in July. Because I hope its presence and effect will be felt by others....

Sick of being sick

Sketch research 

'I'm not doing this shit anymore' was the dominant train of thoughts for me in November 2011. My passive aggressive state of mind came to a halt and was instantly replaced by a furious rage of anger. It hardly mattered where I was or what I was doing. I reached a place where something inside of me screamed ENOUGH! And when you feel you've had enough of something and you badly need a change of scenery; when you know you've reached the bottom of the pit and all that has been experienced has been building up inside of you, THAT is when the adrenaline kicks in! Right there, when you are launched like a rocket, roaring through the sky, accepting nothing around you that reminds you of the previous bullshit you drank like a milkshake. 'Shut up and get the hell out of my way' and oh dear how delicious the sensation of release is! Every cell is activated, every nerve receptive. And creativity flows through my veins; wild like a mountain river in spring when the sun transforms the snowy tops into vast amounts of water. While riding the waves I envisioned the location of the anger and I saw laboratory animals, sacrificed ritual animals and myself as part of nature (a part of all the animals) on mother earth. The boar, ram and bull but also rabbits, monkeys, cats and dogs. Kept in cages. Undergoing trials, tests; being measured and observed.  

Plaster experiment

But not the jackrabbit; not the hare, they are part of the family of Leporids (thesis material) and are the only ones who are adapted to the lack of physical protection. They have not been domesticated and simply die in captivity. They remain untamed...

Clay experiment

Fascination started, research on its way. First in sketching and understanding the form in 2d, later (up to this moment) to understand its physical presence. To make suffering visible. To give the viewer a sense of uneasiness. To get underneath the human flesh with the aching visual language of the wild gone tame, the sophisticated ruling out unwanted behaviour. Causing a mental poverty that results in death.

This landscape will undergo further exploration for it has rich resources.