I Was Not Built To Break

Self-portrait feb 2013

The Place To Be

Bison sculpture at Cartesius lyceum Amsterdam was one of the Graduation works
for my BFA at Gerrit Rietveld 2012

When Are You Gonna Love Yourself ?

There is a secret visual langue that slowly sheds off its camouflage to reveal its presence. A brave new generation of film makers rises to tell different stories about the GBLT* community. We might still end up dead in the end or use great amounts of drugs, these clichés are still current but fortunately movie characters have (recently) developed to a much larger emotional scale than we've ever seen before. They don't wear high heels and don't die of AIDS all the time. For me that change came apparent with Jonah Markowitz's brilliant movie SHELTER.  A great surf movie about love, honor and commitment. Where it feels like the main characters incidentally are gay or dealing with their feelings towards a person of the same sex. Movies like WEEKEND (2011) and Keep The Lights On (2012) derive from that level and present to us a whole new intimacy between men. They fall in love, struggle, deal with their families and friends and fight. They both made a huge impact on me and I'm sure that no matter what your sexual preference is, they'll find a way to your heart and place something of impeccable value there. ENJOY

*abbreviation for the Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender community

A new age in cinema with the arrival of Keep The Lights On and WEEKEND

'Straight people like us as long as we conform to their set of rules. Why don't we shove it down their throats because they shove it down our throats all the time, being straight....straight story lines, everywhere, in books, on billboards, magazines, everywhere! But no we mustn't upset the straights. Shhhhh watch out, the straights are coming. Let's not upset them, let's hide in our little ghettos, let's not hold hands, let's not kiss in the street, no.' 

Glen in WEEKEND

Show Me Your Teeth

You appeared suddenly, soaring the sky screeching of hell and fire. Burning so bright that you'd left traces in the waters below.  Life fell silent. Observing the fierce energy you transmitted. Clouds took refuge. The heavens turned purple. I went back to the spot I saw you yesterday. But you were nowhere to be seen. Wild things shouldn't be tamed but savored for as long as they last.

It Will Make You Strong

No Title
Conté Crayons drawing on paper
52x36cm 2013

Disagreement is a rich source to bounce off new ideas. It's a force that cannot be contained nor grasped. The collision turns around old habits and thoughts, creating space for new things to arise. A opportunity to make visible what is essential. The storm is temporarily, almost like a side effect. Do not pay to much attention to it. The consequences on the other hand may last for a longer period of time.  And with every rearrangement we change, alter and learn. And even though I agree that peace and harmony are excellent states of being, I also state the importance of conflict and disagreement. Once we take in account the fact that we hardly understand life on this planet nor our purpose on it, we can look at our relationships with that same layer of ignorance. Do we not all believe in the 'Happily Ever After' syndrome and everything that deviates from that storyboard is in one way or another frowned upon. But if you (like i do) believe that life is eternal, there is no such thing as death; we come and we go. Our lives are like the flapping wings of a butterfly; moving air, space and time. 

Death is only a door. One closes and another opens * 
*Quote Sonmi-451 Cloud Atlas

That's all there is to it. You'll be surprised that whatever the outcome of your life will be, it's actually all GOOD! No matter what you've done, there is only love and the absence of love. Which is to say there is only love. Even in its absence, what is absence but something that might be present but what we just don't perceive at a particular moment? 

No Title
Conté Crayons drawing op paper 36x52cm 2013

Take these new drawings I've finished yesterday. They are the first works after my period at the Rietveld. So there is no interference by teachers, no feedback by students. But they do find their kick-start from a disagreeing energy. A confrontation that was in the making for weeks! And when it got addressed it exploded into my creativity. It might not make the people happy who are at the centre of this conflict but sometimes mud must be flown. So it can settle down again in different proportions. So we know all is good and full of love.

Fringe Fest Sweden 2012

'Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards'

Søren Kiekegaard

From Amsterdam to Stockholm

The new  year is among us for over a week now and I've just started looking back at the old one. The month of December tends to make people more reflective, appreciative and therefor sentimental? The sun sets and rises again, like all other days of the year. But the closer we get to the end of a certain calendar the more excitement we radiate into the air. Well, it did not happen to me. Nor did I create such a mood. That is to say not until I received a 'special' card. It sat on my desk for a week. Waiting for me to be ready for its message. And when I did open up to its content it mirrored the enormous scale of the previous year. Each shard had its own tale; it's own experience with a choice. Do I look back at it with feelings of joy or feelings of anger? There is no good or bad, its just a choice of preference. For I cannot recall a year that is packed with so many crossed boarders, creative struggles and adventurous celebrations at the same time! This Water Dragon year is top-notch!

One of the highlights is the participation of my 'Pony Performance' at STOFF Fringe Fest in Stockholm. And not just the performance nor the festival itself, but the actual journey towards Stockholm was magnificent! To drive up there in a camper van stacked with  over 200 toy horses, made possible with the financial support of many private funders who absolutely believed the necessity of this performance to be seen abroad was, well a dream come true! And to have access to other artists and see other performances, installations and exhibits was the icing on the cake. Have a look at the recap of the 2012 STOFF edition in the video above. The year of the Dragon will last only for another four weeks so make 'm count!

Nothing I Do Is Good Enough For You

Maybe I should have looked up what the term 'showcase' means. I arrived at the Old Church holding my painting 'the Coronation of the Shepherdess' firm to my side. People setting up their work everywhere. Adjusting lights and fighting with frames. As I found my spot I began to grasp the enormous amount of art that I was surrounded by. I wasn't impressed by what I saw. Maybe I'm used to being overwhelmed by art fairs. And the feeling they give me that escape is futile, an endless space filled with stalls that want  to impress. They drive me crazy! And here I was, one of them with a work to add to the list. I felt the exhibit was curated with a non cohesive order. But I couldn't stay in that set of mind for long so I corrected myself when I took a photo of the painting.  It was then when I realized She was in a Church! And not just any Church but the Old Church (1306) in Amsterdam in the centre of the Red Light district! To me that was a fantastic experience on itself. And for the first time with a work that does not so much overwhelm the viewer with details and impressions but a work that sits quietly to be discovered by the right set of eyes. I attached some additional information to the wall next to her and went home to warm up. December in a cold Dutch church is not a place where I'd like to be for long. I returned in the afternoon to spend some more time and chat with other artists.

Weird Is The New Normal

It's the time of year when life continues into a less visible state. When the trees bare no leafs. When the flowers and meadows have flourished and return to their source. In the back of my apartment building there is a huge courtyard paved with stones. Children used to play here but they have left. This summer I saw nature reclaiming its territory. Weeds slowly covering stone by stone. With no interference by any of the buildings occupants, it became a spectacle for my eyes. Within a year half of the courtyard has been taking over by all kinds of plants. I look at it with wonder for now all growth is subdued and retreats. But the best part is that I was able to catch a glimpse of its power at its peak! One moment, early in November when the last rays of autumn sunshine touches nature with hope for the new year...

JUSTIFY

It's good to make a lot of pictures
and to gather words of interest for
when you combine them they
create something NEW.

Welcome back again, I must say it feels nice and fresh to return to this blog. While I'am also aware of a certain distance. Something in the back of my mind is reminding me not to spill the milk... Let me therefor explain that my intention with this blog has changed a great deal. My years at the Rietveld have come to an end and I have nothing more to prove. For nowadays things just are or aren't present. The 5 years of DOGtime, that felt like a pressure cooker are slowly leaving my system. After the graduation show I needed to reboot my systems and I unplugged myself from everything that was tagged as art. It was ME literally saying; NO NO NO NO NO. It felt delicious. A liberation, a wave of possibilities and yet it was my choice to remain as silent as possible and not to make a single move. Maybe its my zodiac Cancer sign that makes the need to retreat such a valuable experience. Whatever it is that i'm hunting for I always find it, one way or another.

Cavemen experiment

My intention for this blog has always been a voyeuristic need to let people in on my process, my quest, my need to make and create. I think we should all stop every now and then to ask ourselves if we enjoy what we are doing? And if not, don't continue until it makes itself present. Once's intuition is a great gift but it whispers, so we have to empty our noisy lives to check on it. The next thing I would like to see is to change the banner of the blog, I'm fond of the words Work - Play - Thoughts but maybe they should be rearranged? Maybe by order of importance, then I would definitely start with PLAY! For all we ever do is play. It's the best remedy to every problem. Our brains, our worries and fears might want to overrule our pleasure but PLAY is the finger that releases all tension from the filled balloon. Don't let it get to you! We play as children to explore the world around us, to see relations and to exchange different points of view and as grownups we call it sport, music, art, sex and war. But its all the same really. So wherever you are while you read this, whoever you might be, go out and play! NOW....

Cavemen experiment 

From Amsterdam To Sweden

Screencap taken
from the Voordekunst.nl
webiste

In the last week of my project at Voordekunst.nl the crowd funding for the Pony Performance got to another gear. I had to contain myself not to check up on the percentage every hour! New sponsors saw the necessity to make a contribution, and people who already made a donation decided they wanted to adopt another pony. Eventually the project achieved 106% which made me jump out of my seat.  In my Bachelor thesis I explored the subject of categorization, the human desire to   have a certain order, system or trying to find some sort of logic by making groups of likewise 'objects'. Collecting has been in fashion by members of the Royal Family and other high placed people a kind. They were founded by the need for more knowledge, to impress  and/or to entertain. But whatever their purpose or source they always placed the accumulator of these 'objects' in the centre of their universe. I found the possibility to open up the My Little Pony collection for adoption, therefor involving other people besides myself refreshing and at the same time daunting. And I must stress that I experienced the first few weeks, when there were no adoptions at all very nerve racking. It all worked out well. The pony Performance was going to join Stockholm's Fringe Fest STOFF 2012! I realized that it was actually happening when all the Pony items were placed into large boxes and they were safely locked into the campervan. I put on a cd, punched Stockholm / Sweden into the GPS system and started driving.

Kulturhuset is an enormous building in het heart of Stockholm. Dominated by the Crystal fountain (vertical accent in glass and steel) by Edvin Öhrström and the adjoining Sergels Torg (Sergel's Square) makes it the No1 spot
where people go for culture, art and entertainment.

Fortunately the elements worked in my favor, there was no deadline meaning I could combine traveling and sight seeing at the same time! The weather was in one word fantastic, blue skies since I started packing in Amsterdam. Nothing but sunshine that granted breathtaking sunsets every single day for over 9 days! Okay, there was a dash of rain on one day but that is as far as it goes. From Germany to Denmark and arriving in Sweden. The first impression of Stockholm made a big impact, you have been driving through endless nature for days and suddenly you are in the middle of a city filled with buildings that exclaim Royalty, luxury and Art Nouveau. The Kulturhuset in the city center would host the STOFF event. It reminded me of the Gerrit Rietveld university, lots of concrete and huge windows to drown you with daylight. And there it was written on one of the windows: Stockholm was transformed to STOFFHOLM that would take over the city with performances, installations, videos and other art forms during Aug 22 - 25. There on the third floor I would be performing twice...

Kulturhuset STOFF Fringe Fest 2012

We've Placed Your Call Into A Queuing System

Seven whole days...

Example of the Pony Performance
Catalogue 

Yes Folks, this is it! The final week for donations to get the Pony Performance to Stockholm has begun! A visit to the voordekunst.nl website made me realize that 24% has been collected. THANKS FOR ALL DONATIONS! But that is not enough to bring the performance to other venues.  Further research will stagnate at this stage. Lets not focus on those elements for now. Im very happy to inform you that serval ponies have been adopted!

Example of the
Pony Poster Adoption with
 the focus on Pony item Bowtie. 

The collection has  expanded with the arrival of the 3 Great Hair-Do Ponies, a Princess Pony and a Show N Glow edition! The first try-out prints of the Pony Performance Catalogue have been received as well. They look fantastic but are still incomplete, for the journey to Stockholm will be included. A wide range of topics will be addressed and the theoretical research; the human need for puppets, dolls, dummies, wajang dolls and even sex dolls will be present. The catalogue will be delivered to sponsors by the end of September and will be bilingual. It has become a work of its own and even dives into the history of collecting and how we archive and order the world around us in the present. To get a visual on future developments of the Pony Performance I've begun making a maquette for other venues such as the PARADE in 2013! The money that will be raised on voordekunst.nl will also enable me to expand the Pony Performance. It is a continuation with a  new goal: to have all the ponies adopted! In that sense the collection will change its attention from ME the accumulator to the WE,  a group of people represented in a collection, this is a significant switch! People with a Paypal account or who don't want to use the Dutch site voordekunst.nl can transfer any desired amount to: www.dennis.verbeke@live.nl  If you mail me a comment or remark I will add this to the list of comments made by other sponsors. 

Maquette for the Pony Performance
at PARADE 2013 Amsterdam

Don't think that your donation doesn't matter, it will make a major difference! I'am very grateful to feel your support for this project. It will be experienced by more people who might start to wonder how we deal with gender and sexuality. That the Pony Performance stands for diversity, tolerance, acceptance, our dreams, obsessions and our patience. Boys with a sturdy attitude are still considered the norm, but who wants to be the ordinary, lets reach for the EXTRAordinary! Thanks for your support! See the video for the crowd funding art site Voordekunst.nl. My project is still online there (page 4) at Lopende Projecten.